Enjoying the last few days

Where did the last 12 weeks go? How do I have a baby who is almost 3 months old already? It just doesn't seem possible. with the 3 month milestone also comes my return to work. ugh. And I'm having a much harder time with it this time around...wouldn't you think it would be the opposite? that I'd know what to expect and be more at ease this time? Not so much. I think this is due to a few reasons.

First, Liam was a summer baby. Maternity leave May-August is much different than leave January-March. It was a very cold winter when Jake was born, so I was hesitant to take him out of the house on super cold days. Combine that with having first time mommy anxiety (what if he cries when we're out? what if I have to breastfeed him?), led to us spending an awful lot of those 3 months in the house. This time around, I only have the heat to contend with, weather-wise (which has kept us in sometimes!! 95 degrees? No thank you!) The other concerns from last time just don't bother me now...if he needs to eat while I'm out, I breastfeed. If he cries, so what? that's what babies do.

Side note-I also remember my diaper bag weighing approximately 52 pounds every time I left the house with Jake. this time, it's not heavy at all? what did I have in there before?? Not sure what I skipped packing this time around, but my back thanks me.

Jake has stayed home with us 2 days a week, and he definitely keeps me busy! we've had quite a few play dates, which really help to pass the time. I think the fact that we've been pretty busy despite having a baby, AND feeling less claustrophobic have made this leave much different. I was pretty much going stir crazy by the time I had to return to work last time, craving adult interaction, and I really don't feel that way this time around.

I'm also really going to miss that extra time with Jake. Since the title of this blog is Parenting: Uncensored, I'll be honest and say that there were some days that he was being such a 3 year old, I wanted to rip my hair out. Sometimes it was hard having two here by myself all day; inevitably, they both would need me at the same time. I learned to do many things one handed that I just didn't think were possible before :) But really, this time with Jake I will always remember, and I love that. Sometimes we went places like the mall play place, or (somewhat against my will) Chuck E Cheese's, other days we just bummed around the house and played or did art projects. Sometimes I'd wake up in the morning, decide that I didn't feel like leaving the house or getting anything done, and I'd declare it a PJ and movie day and we'd snuggle on the couch to the movie of his choice. We tried to venture outside when we could, and even baked some cookies.



And of course, I'm going to miss my baby terribly when I go back next week. He's my little snugglebug, my smiley guy and my constant companion. When it was just him and I here, my favorite time of day was just after Brian & Jake left for the day; I'd make my breakfast & park Liam on the floor in the playroom either on a blanket or on his play mat. He'd coo and smile and kick his feet, and I'd enjoy my breakfast and talk to him about the agenda for the day. Sometimes our agenda including super fun stuff like laundry (he absolutely LOVES watching the washing machine and listening to the vacuum); other times, our plans were less involved and may or may not have included The Real Housewives of New Jersey. There were times when he'd fall asleep on my chest and I'd think "I'll go put him in his crib in just a few minutes...." A few minutes would go by, and I'd say it again to myself. If I had stuff to do, I would eventually transfer him. But sometimes, I just took that moment to hold him and cuddle him while he slept. Those are the things I'm going to miss the most.

How am I supposed to leave something this lovable??