Friday, July 29, 2011

Hoarder Husband

Ok, so maybe he isn't extreme enough to qualify for Hoarders: Buried Alive, but believe me, he's a hoarder. Old tshirt from when he played baseball in 9th grade? Oh, we have to keep that! Fraternity shirt with holes all over it? Why, it's a prized possession! Rusty old tools that probably don't even work correctly? Well, you just never know, we might need them one day!!

I think his hoarding habits affect me so much because I'm pretty much the opposite. From my childhood, I have kept 3 things: a talking ALF doll (because um,'s ALF! And it still functions with the original batteries, circa 1989....creepy, yes?), all of my Barbies and their accessories (because it's BARBIE!) and my Babysitters Club books (though this last one is questionable...I requested to keep these books, but they have mysteriously disappeared from my parents house, I'm guessing they got thrown out, *tear*). Otherwise, I'm a tosser. If I don't use it, I toss it. I go through my clothes normally 3-4 times a year and try to clear out anything I haven't worn since the last time I cleaned out my closet.

When we first moved in together, I had to take matters into my own hands at one point. We were living in a small apartment, but had purchased a house & we were packing up to move. He had SO.MANY.CLOTHES that I had never seen him wear in the 3+ years we had been together at that point. I knew there was no way he was voluntarily getting rid of them, so I did what I had to do. While he was showering on garbage night one night, I grabbed the biggest trash bag I could find, and stuffed that bad boy as fast as my little hands could go, then put it out on the curb to be taken away the next day. Peace out!! Now, normally, I always donate clothes...but desperate times called for desperate measures. You do what you have to do when dealing with a hoarder. Clearly, he didn't even miss the clothes, because he had NO CLUE they were gone until I confessed to my crime over a year later. Mwuuhuhahaha!!!

So, now that you know the backstory, I can get on with the point of this post: we had a huge breakthrough this week with Brian's hoarding habits. he has always had this horribly ugly chair that he acquired randomly from an elderly man. I forget the whole story, but it's not important...the man was of no relation to Brian, the chair has absolutely no sentimental value (or monetary value, for that matter). He's had this chair since college; it's not only ugly, it's not even that comfortable and frankly, it kind of smelled funny (sometimes things that live at a frat house can take on very unfortunate odors). I have been begging him to get rid of this chair since we moved in together. Yet somehow, it came from his house in Oakland, to our apartment together. From our apartment together, to our first home we purchased. And then again, from that home, to the house we live in now. *sigh* And really, what could I do?? Unlike some clothes, I think he would have noticed if a piece of furniture had gone missing. In our current home, I did put my foot down and the chair got tossed into the garage, taking up precious storage space, but at least it wasn't in a real room of our house.

Fast forward to this summer, and Brian purchased a riding lawn mower. We don't have a shed, so that thing had to move into our garage. Which meant that Brian had some major cleaning/decluttering/organizing to do. *happy dance*! It it with great excitement and joy that I am finally able to say that the ugly old man chair is officially out of our lives FOREVER!! It went out with the trash on Thursday, I watched him drag it out to the curb with my own 2 eyes (because I wouldn't put it past him to try and con a neighbor into storing it or something)

One small step for hoarders, one giant step for Brian. Next on my list of items to attack that need not take up space in our house: his childhood desk that we will never use again (yes, I'm being serious...we have it)

1 comment:

Sara said...

I wish I had your wit, because the facts of this apply to my house, but it wouldn't have been as funny if I wrote it myself. I toss things all the time -- and sometimes have to re-buy. But the hubs? We have his high school baseball uniform (He graduated in 1994.) We have his college baseball uniform. (um, D3 isn't that cool) We have TOYS from 1978. Not in-their-original-packaging awesome toys, but totally played with, not-worth-a-damn-thing toys. Oy. I admit that I often throw things in the garbage bin between when he leaves on Monday morning and when the garbage man comes. :)

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