San Diego 2015 - Days 1 & 2

7.5 years. 

Actually, a bit longer than that even, if you count the last time that Brian and I had actually gone somewhere together, just the two of us.  The last time Brian and I went anywhere together, outside of the Pittsburgh region, was for our first wedding anniversary....September of 2007.  A few months later, we had Jake and hadn't gone away since then.

It's not that we don't leave the kids....I've gone away for work, and we've both left separately for time with friends....he's gone skiing or fishing, I've gone away for some girls weekends with the bestie.  But together?  Not in SEVEN years. 

A few months ago, I learned that a conference I have attended in the past for work was being held in San Diego....Brian's company has another office in San Diego, and it's actually where his boss lives, so the location could not have been better.  We could both combine work with a trip away for just the two of us!  Perfect!  It was time.

So last Saturday, after some tearful goodbyes Friday night (me, not the kids...they were totally fine, knowing they were going to have a fun week with Nana and PopPop!), we stepped on a plane and took off for the west coast! 

Funny side note- I was telling Liam that I would miss him and his response was "Don't worry, I'll miss you too...but I'll still be alive when you come home!"  Well, ok then. :) 

Airport waiting.

 After a long flight and 1 layover, we arrived!!!  Thanks to the time change, we still had half of the day left; this also meant that we were very early to check into the hotel, so it gave us a chance to walk around and check out the area.  We stayed at the La Jolla Shores hotel and it was great...spacious, clean rooms and the hotel was literally right on the beach.

courtyard area of the hotel

Who let these pale people out in the sun??

 The weather was absolute perfection.  I'm not exaggerating either....70 degrees, sunny, no humidity, slight breeze. 

After checking into our room and getting settled, it was pretty much time to get ready to leave again; we had dinner reservations at Jake's Del Mar (sweet name, right?) with Brian's boss and his wife, which was very nice.  Unfortunately, the jet lag (and just general tiredness, I couldn't sleep the night before we left, I was like a kid at Christmas!) and sinus/ear issues (presumably brought about on the plane) caught up with me at dinner.  I was having trouble hearing most of what was said throughout dinner, which was annoying, and I felt like I could fall asleep into my food.  But dinner was very nice (what I could hear of it, ha!) and the food was delicious, and of course, it was very kind of them to take us out.  I was in bed by 8:30pm...so much for trying to adjust to west coast time! 

We woke up bright and early the next morning after such an early bedtime, and after a very leisurely breakfast (I didn't have to make anyone food!  or pour milk! or remind anyone to brush their teeth!) we headed out to Torrey Pines State Natural Reserve.  When we pulled in, Brian asked the attendant where we should park and she told us it would depend on if we wanted a serious hiking trail or more of a scenic walk....I'll take the scenic walk, thank you very much!!  (also, if that's what they consider a scenic walk, I would have died on the actual hike) 

This ended up being one of the highlights of the trip for us, we LOVED it here. Again, the weather was great, so I was warm once we started walking, but not miserable by any means.  The views were spectacular, I feel like these pictures don't even do it justice, but here they are:

We did a few different trails that all lead to different views; one of the trails had this giant stone staircase that was fun to go down:

YAY, stairs!!  All smiles on the way down...

But the way up?  Not as fun, let me tell you.  I had to stop halfway up (where they very conveniently had this little bench....gee, I wonder why?) and Brian snapped this lovely picture of me:

On the next trail we came across this little bit of um, festive scenery:

He noticed my Pitt hat and told us that he's a huge steelers fan, tries to get out to Pittsburgh sometimes because he loves the city, goes to see the Steelers whenever they play the Chargers in San Diego, etc....super friendly (though also a touch creepy!) bunny.  We do not have any reason as to why he was dressed like that.

After that, we found another trail that led down to the beach....only to get to the other side of the beach where it wasn't nearly as crowded, you had to squeeze through this opening...thank goodness we're not particularly claustrophobic!

squeeze it in there, kids!

But it was worth it once we got to the other side! 

Grown ups only trip, woohoo!!!

 

 
Brian is crazy and decided to jump into the ocean (it was 61 degrees.....BRRR, no thanks!)

 

After all of that hiking, we were starving, so we headed to a place called Gliderport, where crazy brave people jump off of cliffs and paraglide or hang glide over the ocean.  They also happen to serve delicious sandwiches (at the appropriately named Cliffhanger Cafe) there and have picnic tables outside, so this was our view during lunch:

 

 

We had 5pm reservations for kayaking and unfortunately, I don't have those videos or photos uploaded yet (they are on our knockoff Go-Pro camera, I didn't bring my phone) so i'll have to get those posted another time.  But for now, I'll say that we had a great time (and didn't get attacked by sharks, score!) and that we were able to see dolphins and sea lions, so that was really fun. 

We were exhausted after our big day, and quite stuffed from our late lunch, so we decided to skip dinner, walk around the little area by our hotel and have a froyo dinner :)  It was the perfect way to wrap up such a fun day!

Days 3 & 4 recap to come soon.....

Handpicked Love

Be fierce, be wild, be passionate...be yourself.

I wrote and published the post the other day about me losing my mind over the boys fighting and nonstop need to be physical with each other the other day, and then literally, within 5 minutes, read this quote on another blog:

image courtesy of thegreatread.blogspot.com

And it really made me stop and think.  It doesn't necessarily apply to their name calling and silly fighting over who gets what cup (because I can still sit around and complain all day about that), but it does apply to other areas where I have trouble understanding them.  Just to be completely honest, I don't get the need to ALWAYS BE ON THE MOVE. I don't understand why they want to climb on things.  I don't understand the need to run around in circles.

But I think sometimes I need to do a better job of understanding that just because I don't understand it, doesn't mean it's wrong.  And sometimes it's hard to do that.  And if we can't demonstrate to the kids how to respect people who do things differently, how can we expect them to learn that?  I think of Brian and I....we each have different ways that we choose to de-stress or spend time with friends.  He doesn't really "get" my love for book club or black Friday shopping, while I don't really "get" his love of going fishing or how running for 30 minutes is a stress reliever for him.  But we respect that for the other person; that is how we recharge our batteries, or how to connect with friends and family. Just because we have different ways of doing it, doesn't mean that the other person is wrong.

I think sometimes we (Brian and I) get so caught up in wanting to "raise them right" that we overlook appreciating them for who they already are.  We shouldn't want to change them, we should want to help them become the best versions of themselves that they can be.

And when I stop my mind from immediately thinking of how messy bath time is going to be that night, or how I'm going to have to thoroughly check for ticks, or wipe up the floors after they traipse through the house with dirt falling off of them....when I stop thinking about all of those negatives, I have time instead to think about the positives.  My kids want to be outside running around like crazy instead of parked in front of a video game....my kids want to share with me everything that they have discovered in the dirt....my kids want to use their imaginations to build a huge fort that is the secret hideout of all the superheroes.  Maybe the activities they're doing aren't exactly what I would choose to do, but the bottom line is, they ARE doing exactly what I want them to do...they are being active, they are sharing their lives with me, and they are using their imaginations.

I wrote last week in my recap post about how the boys wanted to "go exploring" in the woods behind our house.  Brian was cleaning up the yard, so my first instinct was to say no or tell them they had to wait until daddy was done so he could take them.  Then I caught myself; why can't I take them??  It's not like we were going to be hiking for miles and miles, they literally just wanted to wander 15 feet away from our backyard and explore the trees.

I'm so glad I did.  Because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have heard Liam's giggles every time the leaves crunched under his boots.  I wouldn't have heard the pride in Jake's voice when he said "Mommy, look at me, I did it!" after climbing a tree by himself.  I wouldn't have watched them both use a fallen tree as a balance beam, then jump off the end and high five each other that they made it across.  I wouldn't have heard them talking and giggling with each other about how they were the "lost boys" from Peter Pan, and how they might have to figure out where to build a shelter that night if they couldn't figure out how to get out of the woods and back home.

Would I normally suggest that we go walking through the woods where it's a hotbed for ticks, climb trees where we could potentially break an arm, or try to build a fort with sticks?  Nope.  But I'm so glad I didn't turn down the offer to join them.  I have a lot to learn from these boys.

Be fierce, be wild, be passionate.

Brothers, bickering, and my sanity (or lackthereof)

Pop Quiz!!  Your kids are bickering, picking on each other, and fighting....again. They're 7 and almost 4.  Do you:

A. Ignore them and let them work it out.
B. Force them into separate areas to think about their actions, then apologize to each other.
C. Dish out some consequences, such as lost video games or TV shows.
D. Yell.
E.  All of the above.
F. Other (please explain below)

No, really....I'm asking you, what do you do??  Any of those?  All of them? 

I've tried all of those at one point or another, but I have no idea how effective I've been.

The boys have had their little tiffs for quite some time now, but they were just that....tiffs.  "I want the spiderman!  NO I want the spiderman!"  That kind of thing that ends quickly. But now, we've moved beyond just tiffs to the next level....I would categorize some of them as actual battles.  To be honest, the physical stuff is slightly less annoying to me than the verbal...the physical stuff tends to end quickly.  But the verbal?  Sheesh, those two can GO AT IT.  The bickering, the name calling, the whining about each other.  He's touching me.  I don't like the way he's looking at me.  He's cheating at this game. I don't want him to sit beside me.  I want that cup that he has.  No, that's not how you do it, you have to do it my way! You got to pick the game last time, it's MY turn!

image courtesy of amazing-creature.blogspot.com

And boy, do they both know how to play it up.  Jake calls Liam a name, Liam kicks him...they both come running with their sob stories of who did what. So, tattling and crying, which is also super annoying to me.  They know exactly how to push each others' buttons and they aren't hesitant to do it at every chance they get.

I think part of what has changed is Liam's sense of self and independence.  Before, he was perfectly content to do whatever Jake wanted him to do, and he was more than happy to be bossed around, just as long as he was included in Jake's plans.  But in the past few months, I've noticed that he doesn't always want to go along with Jake....and man does that get under Jake's skin! 

My strategy lately is to try and ignore them as best I can.  I have yet to determine if this is making things better or worse. 

And yet, the funny/ironic thing about all of this is that if given the choice, they will always choose to play with each other.  It's mind-boggling to me.  Cute and touching yes, but also confusing!  If they're bickering away, I will often suggest that they go to different areas to cool off and that maybe they just need some time to themselves.  You would think that kids who were just at each others' throats would jump at the opportunity to have a break...but no!  Instead, I'm met with "Mom, no!  That's unfair!  We want to play with each other!"  I'm sorry, what?  What am I missing here?  You just told your brother to get away from you! 

The flip side to this is that when they are getting along, they are truly best friends.  They can set up these amazing scenes with their superheroes or ninja turtles, and just have a blast with each other for a long time. I know that they really do love each other, and consider the other one of their best friends....and I try to keep that in mind during the other times, when I'm pulling them off of each other and someone is yelling about wanting the other one to go away. 

And if given the choice, they would want to have a sleepover every.single.night. 

So seriously, if you have any suggestions....leave them in the comments!!  Until I find that magical solution, I shall....

You win some, you lose some.

My dad taught Jake how to play chess a few months ago, and he's been really into it. 

 Our local library offered 2 chess workshops in January, and Jake was eager to sign up.  He enjoyed the classes, and continued to play at home, wanting to sign up for the chess tournament that they were holding in early February.  So I signed him up for the tournament, but as the date grew closer, Jake got nervous about participating.  He had all kinds of worries...that he would be paired up with an older kid, that he would lose right away and have to go home, that he would get too nervous to remember the right moves....the list went on and on. 

We kept telling him that all he had to do was show up and try his best....we tried to compare it to baseball for him, that when he first started baseball he didn't know how to do everything, so he had to go to practices and games to get better.  Chess was just like that; the workshops had been his practices now the tournament would be like a game. 

The day of the tournament rolled around, and he was definitely nervous in the car, but seemed more relaxed once we got there.  We were happy to find out that you weren't automatically eliminated from the whole thing after a loss, you just moved to a different bracket.  Parents weren't allowed in the room once the tournament started, so we headed over to the children's section with Liam, who made himself at home in the tiny house made of books that I'm obsessed with.

 

Long story short, Jake ended up losing all 3 of his games.  Liam and I had left after game 2 since it was getting close to lunch/nap, but Brian texted me to say that he was sad, but wasn't crying or anything, didn't appear to be devastated. Great!

Well, then the trophies came out.  I'm sure that even if you're not a parent, you've heard/read articles by now about how everyone gets a trophy these days for everything.  I see both sides honestly....you want to build self-confidence in the kids and providing positive reinforcement at the end with a trophy is one way to do that.  But at the same time, I get that it's also teaching them that just showing up is enough, and potentially setting them up for disappointment later in life when they realize that sometimes it's not enough to just show up. 

Jake has played baseball since he was 3 and did a season of basketball this past year; he has a whole shelf full of trophies and medals to show for it. This was the first time he was participating in something competitive and not walking away with a trophy or medal.  Brian said he held it together in the library, but started sobbing in the car about losing the tournament.  We said what we could to make him feel better...that not everyone got a trophy, that he was one of the youngest ones there (the tournament went up to age 12), that he can try again next year if he wants, that we were proud of him for even giving it a try....etc, etc.  But we just had a devastated little boy on our hands.  It was hard to see him upset, but I know it's also something that he was bound to learn sooner or later. 

He did get a little certificate for participating and this cool little pawn key chain, so he didn't walk away totally empty-handed.  And hopefully he maybe even learned something from the experience.

Top 5 Tips for Surviving Travel with Children

I consider us to be a family who travels frequently; 5ish hours in the car to visit Brian's family a few times each year, 5ish hours to visit our BFFs in Virginia at least once a year, and a vacation thrown in there.  The kids (and dog!) are usually great in the car....sure we all have our moments (me included!) where whining comes out or people get hungry at the very end of the trip...but overall, we consider ourselves to be very lucky that our kids (including the fur child) are good little travel companions.

That being said, we've learned a lot along the way so here is my list of top travel tips when you are accompanied by the little ones.

1. Pack what you can the night before.  Even if we can't load it into the car the night before, I like to have everything that we can piled up by the door to the garage before the morning.  There's nothing worse than trying to get last minute stuff together AND hauling things to the door AND dealing with kids under your feet who are anxious to leave.  We try to do all of the packing and piling the night before our trips, after the kids go to bed. 

2.  Allow plenty of time to load up the car....as in, much more time than you would think you would need. This was our first year taking the Swagger Wagon to the beach (aka-the minivan...don't be jealous) and we thought it would be a breeze to pack it up for the beach.  I mean, the last time we went, we crammed in everything for 4 people into a teeny Nissan Sentra.  The van should be easy, right?? Don't get me wrong, we had more than enough room...but trying to figure out the best way to stack everything without it tipping over or shifting during travel was a challenge.  Something that we thought would take about 30 minutes to do took over an hour.  Here is a selfie of everyone once we were finally in the car....with our looks of awe that we had so much more room to work with this year!

3.  SNACKS.  Snacks, snacks, and more snacks.  I know other moms have rules about no food or drink in the car, but I'd rather vacuum up some crumbs and wipe up a spill than lose my mind on a car trip.  I try to pack things that are not too crumby/messy/sticky (baggies of animal crackers, squeezy applesauce, squeezy yogurts, string cheese, fruit, etc)  We have a compact soft sided cooler that I toss everything into; they each get their spill-proof thermos cup (you can see Jake's in the pic above) in their cupholder and then we're set.

4.  Car entertainment. I am not opposed to taking a "whatever means necessary" approach to keeping my sanity during car trips.  If that means that each kid watches a movie then plays with their Leap Pads for a solid hour, so be it.  Those two items are definitely the biggest sanity savers to me....they each have their own DVD player and own Leap Pad (and head phones to go with them so that the rest of us don't have to enjoy "The Lego Movie" for the 12th time) If you do want to take along some non-electronic entertainment, my kids love those little play packs you can pick up at the dollar store or dollar bins in Target...they have a small coloring book, a few crayons, and sheets of stickers.  But my advice here is to just go with it...put aside any usual rules you have about how many electronics your kids can use and just keep handing them entertainment.  And snacks to go along with the movie, obviously.  Because they will demand that as well.  It's like I'm living in "if you give a mouse a cookie" sometimes.

5.  Hope that they sleep.  There is nothing that brings me more joy when I'm stuck in the car than looking back and seeing the two little travelers in the back, peacefully snoozing away like little angels.  The car ride goes by faster for everyone AND they are well-rested and in better moods when we arrive to our destination after a little nap.  And a bonus feature to the kids naps: it gives Brian and I a chance to talk in peace and quiet and enjoy some time together away from the daily grind....even if we are stuck in a car :)

Feeling like a winner that I looked back to see this!!

...and then again on the way home from the beach!

There you have it my friends, the few ways that I try to keep my sanity in tact while traveling.  What are your favorite tips and tricks to travel?